I realized this morning that I wear a lot of flannel buttoned shirts. When I’m turned into an action figure, make sure I’m wearing something striped and tasteful. It seems to be my natural state. Other recommendations for my action figure:

• sweats at inconvenient times!
• now with more self-loathing!
• comes with free delusions of grandeur!
• new push-button sarcasm!

Doug posed a strange hypothetical question to me today. “If you were a serial killer,” he began, “what would be your trademark?”

It scared me that I had an answer: “I’d style my victims’ hair after I killed them.”

Sweet mercy, I spend too much time inside my head. But it’s nice in there, really. My own skull-sized kingdom.