On quiet Thursday nights such as this one, when all the streetlights flicker to life and the all hot dog vendors push their carts home, when the last stock has been traded and the last pedestrian has been honked at, it’s nice to take stock of oneself. How am I doing?
Pretty well, I’d say. It’s been quite a while since I’ve made a careless mistake at work, such as photocopying the wrong piece of paper or publicly tripping over my shoelaces. I can continue this pattern of success! I pledge to keep photocopying the correct papers and, if I do trip on my shoelaces, to cover it up by executing a flawless gymnastic maneuver.
Listen to me talk like I’m full of confidence. Truth be told, I’m mostly full of Dr. Pepper and worry. And we all know how to combat the worry, don’t we? With more Dr. Pepper.
don’t worry, be happy!
Diet info: (not that you need it)
If no one sees you eat it, it has NO calories.
If you drink a diet Dr. Pepper with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out.
Calories don’t count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount.
Late night snacks have no calories. The small refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
Stop worrying, listen to your Dad.
Grandpa:
Those were great. I suppose there’s one to add to the list-
If a midget sees you eat it, it only has half the calories.