What an awful day for weather. The sky was the color of wet, disappointing charcoal as I fumbled for my umbrella during my daily promenade to the B train.

The fine folks in human resources had to give me (and many more) their orientation this morning. I’ve been plugging along for five weeks now, so I already feel pretty oriented. But no matter - there’s only one way to define “mandatory” here: their word is law. So I showed up.

Orientation was first thing this morning, well before work. I was late, of course. I arrived to find all the chairs filled with the bodies of those far more dutiful than me. I ended up sitting cross-legged on the floor like a ragged hobo while the presentation continued. The air was full of complete and riveting paragraphs about dress codes and travel expense reports. I was a’shakin’ with excitement, even after it was over.

The previous sentence is false.

I have noticed an unusual trend amongst the people I work around. Shortly before the show’s taping begins, several people will disappear into the bathroom of appropriate gender to brush their teeth. If it were just one or two people, I doubt I’d raise any eyebrows. I’d instead think, “Here are some folks who take care of the gnashers that God gave them.” But today a red alarm went off in my head after seeing several people in a row emerge from the bathroom, toothbrushes in hands, teeth suspiciously shiny. I asked Todd about it. He used to be an intern, and now he’s a full-timer with a paycheck. Surely he’d know something.

Todd: You know what? I remember wondering the same thing when I was an intern. I have no idea why they brush their teeth before the show, but I work here now so I guess I better start doing it too.

Did you watch the debate tonight? I did. I don’t have a TV, so I went to the bar in the Hilton at 54th and 6th at Dad’s recommendation. Ritzy. Expensive. I staked out a couch as close to the TV as possible and watched America’s two candidates punch each other in the rhetoric. The folks on my right were playing a McCain drinking game, gulping their beverages each time McCain said “maverick” or “my friends.”

Sarah Palin was nowhere to be seen, which leads me to believe that she was out doing a photo shoot for LensCrafters.

I remember at one point Obama used the phrase “orgy of spending” to describe Washington’s current financial handling. After laughing at this simply delightful combination of words, I realized one of two things will happen as a result. Either:

1. Someone somewhere will name his heavy metal band “Orgy of Spending.”
2. Obama’s word choice will be applauded by a heavy metal band already called “Orgy of Spending.”